Promoting a Pro-Princess Agenda

by Bernadette O'Keeffe

In 2012, about 20 children's films were released to the public (not counting re-released 3D-counterparts or anything rated above PG). Of those 20, only 5 of those films had female protagonists, and 2 of those films were documentaries, so I'm going to ignore those. Leaving only 3 out of 20 films in 2012 with female protagonists.  Of those female protagonists, only one of them is not royalty; and there is a problem with that.

The only non-princess of 2012! Hurray Arrietty! Hurray Miyazaki-san!

Most films made for little girls feature a princess. Now, it is not uncommon for little girls to be interested in princesses. Some would say it's even natural. But what comes to mind when a person says 'princess'? Disney, for sure. Ball gowns, crowns, Prince Charming, magic perhaps? The thing about being a princess is, there are only two ways of becoming one. She is either born into royalty or she must marry a prince. Neither way is gained truly by her own means, but by the means of others.

The same can almost be said about a prince or a king, but patriarchy dictates that they are making decisions and the ones with power. This makes a prince fundamentally different than a princess. What is also quite different between the sexes is that young boys don't need to look up to princes because there is a very wide array of protagonists for them to choose from. Male protagonists can be cars, bugs, ogres, fish, pandas, rats, toys, robots, video game characters and even young boys just like themselves. That means quite a lot, to see someone who is ordinary just like yourself on the screen doing extraordinary things.

A princess is not ordinary at all. She is (whether it is mentioned or not) the most beautiful, has the best clothes, the best place to live, all the best parts of life; and most little girls don't have that. In fact, being a princess, as it is depicted in modern day media, is very much so an escapist fantasy.

Considering that Rapunzel was being used for her hair, perhaps Disney should have mass marketed her short brown hair, as a symbol of her freedom... but then we couldn't brush her hair!

And yet, with this in mind, I would still call myself a pro-princess kind of gal. There are more facets to a princess than what we have been shown. I draw my optimism from Frances Brunett's novel, A Little Princess. It's worth noting that the protagonist, Sara Crewe, isn't really a princess; but she does come from a well-off family, is a smart, kind and handsome little girl. She is so idolized by her peers that they call her a princess. But Sara is also very self analyzing. She knows that the others see her as special, but she wonders if she would indeed be a 'princess' if she didn't have it so good. If she wasn't rich would she really be so generous?

Sara's life turns very dark when her father dies, leaving her bankrupt and employed by the cruel headmistress of her former school to pay off her debt. Sara spends the rest of the book playing pretend to cope with her reality. She believes that she really is a princess and that she must find it within herself to be kind and carry herself with integrity even if she doesn't have any material wealth to show for it. She ends up escaping the headmistress' clutches because of the friendships she forges with the people around her.

Pixar's film Brave, which came out in 2012, actually does a decent job with making a positive princess film, although I wish they would have come up with a conflict other than marriage to jump-start her inner transformation. Merida is athletic and clearly loves her family, but she is rash and doesn't really want the responsibility a being a princess. When her mother, the queen, forces Merida to do something she doesn't want to Merida places the peace of the kingdom in jeopardy to avoid it.

“The mother-daughter relationship is not often explored in this way, certainly not where the mother becomes massively powerful and also utterly helpless.” -Emma Thompson on her character Queen Elinor from “Brave.”

Although Merida's journey starts with her avoiding responsibility, her actions put her mother in danger and she soon realizes that her kingdom will fall into turmoil if she doesn't own up to her mistakes and put the needs of others in front of her own, everything will be for naught. There are some plot issues in the film that I would like to change for pacing, but overall the film does a great job dealing with what it really means to be a princess; being a source of strength for others when they cannot be for themselves. And thank goodness Pixar didn't sneak a love story subplot in there!

There should most definitely be more female protagonists in the media we consume for young girls and young boys. Boys can relate and connect to female protagonists just as well as girls do with male protagonists. We need to start having female protagonists as anyone; cars, bugs, ogres, fish, pandas, rats, toys, robots, video game characters and even young girls doing extraordinary things! And yes! We can also have princesses! We need to have princesses who care about things other than finding their true love! Why not true friendship? Or protecting her people! If we want to empower young girls we can help by empowering those they look up to!

NEXT: Javy Gwaltney guarantees that he will never win an Academy Award when he calls out the WASPy old dudes behind the Oscars for their years of shameless pandering. Reader, beware!

Not Funny "Ha Ha"

By Nicole Angeleen  www.nicoleangeleen.com

Over Christmas break, I went home to snowy Kansas, and one evening, my mother, younger brother, and I were tucked cozy around the hearth, watching “Charmed.” In this episode, the Alyssa Milano witch casts a smart spell on herself. The sister who’s not Shannen Doherty says to her, “What’s up?” Alyssa Milano, because she’s so darn smart now, smartly replies, “Oh, the Dow Jones, housing prices, and the space shuttle Discovery.” Not Shannen Doherty witch says, “Huh,” and moves on, the appropriate response.

Then my younger brother said something interesting. “If they made that joke on ‘The Big Bang Theory’ there would be, like, thirty seconds of laugh track.”


Think I'm wrong?

We are at a moment in time when there are great sitcoms on television and then there are shows written by your pun-loving uncle. There is very little in between. Since this is a writing blog, from a writer’s perspective, I’m going to tell you why. Warning: I’m going to bag on “The Big Bang Theory” a lot, not because it’s any worse than most of the other offenders, but because the show is terminally inescapable, so I can assume we’ve all seen an episode or two.

Here’s why “30 Rock” and “Community” get gold stars in being funny where shows like “The Big Bang Theory” and “Two and a Half Men” fail: the latter shows are lazy. Funny writers don’t go with the first joke that pops into their heads. The second joke is usually funnier, and the third funnier still, and when you drill down to the fifth, sixth, seventh ideas, you get down to the true essence of the joke. Great sitcoms are hysterical because they constantly surprise you. “Arrested Development” was one of the most riotous shows in history, and it was funny because you could never predict what was going to happen next; the writers didn’t say, “That’s funny enough.” Instead, they kept working until everything was as funny as it could possibly be.



It was time for Michael to do a little detective work.

“The Big Bang Theory” never does anything you don’t see coming. You, the audience member, thinks, “Hey, I was going to say that, and it was funny!” So you leap to the conclusion you’re also funny, and that makes you feel good. The writers on “TBBT” cut and print the first joke that comes to mind as if it’s comedy gold every time, and the laugh track reinforces how goddamn funny they all are.

Think about the funny people in your life. Are they funny because they burst out with the joke everyone’s thinking, or are they funny because they say something from a perspective no one else considered? That’s why “Louie” is so funny. Not only is it the next evolutionary step in sketch comedy, it mystifies the familiar and familiarizes the strange. He’s doing something like wrapping Christmas presents for his kids, and wrapping presents, at work, in the car, we’ve all been there, when everything is awful and breaking and impossible. We go into our own darkness safely with Louis C.K. It’s the opposite of, say “The Middle” or “Mike and Molly,” where the writers present us with a potentially wacky scenario and proceed to have their characters react the same way every damn last one of us would. Basically rational people doing basically rational things are not funny, don’t think I don’t see you, “Suburgatory.”

Christmas has never been more depressing...or hilarious.

“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” are funny because they take everything to the absolute edge, and instead of stopping as the sane do, they psychotically leap into the abyss. Would you want to be in the same room as any of the characters in “Sunny” or the “CYE” version of Larry David? Doubtful, and if you do, you’ve probably been called douchebag at least twice today. “TBBT” has this gag available, Sheldon is such an Aspergian ass clown he could be hated and reviled, and that would be fun! Instead, the writers are either too cowardly to go for it or too dumb to realize what they have, so Sheldon’s constantly saying things like, “The social convention dictates I do this thing, so now I am going to do this thing…” thus relieving the writers and the audience of having to deal with the wondrous burden of a character they can’t relate to but who might actually be interesting instead of someone I just want to run over with my Corolla. Nothing infuriates me more than writers taking a gift and exchanging it for cash.

(pause for laughter)

I’ve heard the arguments that “TBBT” sucks because the nerds are pigeonholed, and they are nauseatingly stereotypical dorks, skinny and intelligent versions of “The Simpsons” Comic Book Guy. Yet I don’t think those sins are greater than “Whitney,” the commitment-phobic (though she’s been in a relationship for years), edgy (incredibly stable), awkward (beautiful) girl who could easily be switched with Zooey Deschanel in “New Girl” and not a fucking person would notice. Now they just take the clichés and that’s the title of the show, a la “Guys With Kids” and the surprisingly racist “2 Broke Girls.”  Although, in defense of "2 Broke Girls," it was nice of the casting director to give two actresses with crippling voice immodulation a chance.

Literally dozens of people suffer from this debilitating illness.

Finally, we come to your precious “Modern Family.” Yeah, I’m going there. Three economically stable, two-parent families, each with an honest to God STAY AT HOME PARENT, cannot, under any circumstances, be considered a modern family, I don’t care how many Asian babies or gays or Hispanics or Al Bundys you throw in there. Every comedy doesn’t have to be cutting edge, but let’s stop pretending “Modern Family” is the family sitcom equivalent of “The Matrix.” Over twenty years later, “Roseanne” is probably the most modern family we’ve seen in the nuclear family genre, with two fat parents, nasty, backbiting teenage daughters, a weird son who isn’t also sweet or smart, and real money problems that can’t be fixed in a half hour. That show stands the test of time in a way “Modern Family” won’t. And as much as I enjoy “Parks and Recreation,” what’s with the documentary format on all these shows? Unless we assume “Modern Family” takes place in a future where there are no more wars, genocides, or awesome sports stories, there is no logical reason why anyone would make a documentary about this incredibly conventional family. No matter how hot Sofia Vergara might be or how ceaselessly hilarious Phil Dunphy is, none of it holds up under scrutiny. This format persists because it’s easy, jokes don’t have to be made with subtlety or intelligence, instead the actors can look right at the camera and do their in-character stand-up routines.

The original cast of "Modern Family." Can you believe they cast a Methodist?

NBC, the great harbinger of less mainstream but brilliant sitcoms, put out a press release stating they’re going in a “new direction” with their sitcoms. Hopefully that means more “1600 Penn” and not “Whitney,” but that’s wishful thinking. There’s hope for cable, but that’s about it. Great sitcoms force people to think, if only a little; they do what any good work of literature should do, make you slightly uncomfortable, and you’re not subjected to any of that if you watch “Last Man Standing.” So laugh it up while you can, geniuses. The tens of us who love smart, engaging, defiant sitcoms will surely be extinct soon, courtesy of Chuck Lorre.

Up next: Bernadette O'Keeffe talks to you about chicks, man.

Television Is Dead

This Rant brought to you by:  Alex Tisdale

TV rots your brain.

I want you to think about all the terrible shows that people really do watch.  Then, look at the numbers.  TV spouts a lot of bullshit and sadly the only reason is the ratings.  And it truly is shit.  People actually watch what you pass by with your remote in hand and the scowl on your face.  Terrible shows that shit on everything you've ever known about quality entertainment.  Most of which also shits on what you know is worth paying money for.  And there it is, week in and week out—shit on your screen and the American public just keeps eating that shit up. 

Shit like NCIS.

Every week it’s the same contrived thing.  OH NO--A BODY!  Call the NCIS!  Quirky characters trying to be cool and likable save the day.  Tune in next week for the same thing.  Now, I’m a fan of shows like Law and Order.  You should be scratching your little noggin asking, “But Alex, that’s the same thing too, right?”  No.  It’s very different.  What separates them?  Several things:

A unifying and consistent theme.
A cast of great actors.
Real information about LAWS and JUDICIAL PROCESS
Real life application
Quality writing from people who have done RESEARCH

“But Alex, I love the actors on NCIS—especially that goth girl tech wizard!  She’s so cool and funny!” 

No.  Not in the slightest.  She’s a stereotype being made fun of while at the same time exploited to “be cool” for all the viewers out there that might feel a bit “different” than normal folks.  Look at that, a goth girl works for the government!  Don’t put up your black lipstick just yet, you can still get a job with the government like her. They even have her sleeping in a goddamned coffin.  A COFFIN.  WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT AND SLEEPING IN A FUCKING COFFIN.

And say what you will about Mark Harmon being a cool guy, but his haircut is an embarrassment to the United States of America.

And while that national anthem is playing in your head, I want you to think about the other horrid excuses for creativity that people love; like singing shows.  Singing shows that make themselves look like a talent show, but really the public only tunes in to see all the screw-ups and laugh at them.  That’s right America; you’re a really big jerk.  Shows like American Idol, America’s Got Talent, and The X Factor are pieces of dogshit on the heel of America’s shoe that make a funny sound when stepped in so they laugh.  That’s right.  They step all in that shit and laugh ‘til they pee themselves.  What fun it must be to hear terrible singing or watch someone put their reputation on the line for a talent they believed in for so long only to have it destroyed and ridiculed by everyone at home.  And  what’s worse is that we glorify these people sometimes.  People like William Hung who made it to American Idol tryouts only to be laughed at and told he was too funny to not be in show business.  People like that who think they are being genuine, but are told “Hey man that was pretty funny, thanks for making us laugh!  Go do that for a living!”  What a load of horseshit.  This guy had a passion for singing and really put himself out there for people to like him and instead he got people to make fun of him and like him for being a complete idiot.  It’s not just wrong, it’s pretty sad for him and the people who think they are still decent human beings after laughing at his dreams.

And then there’s Glee.  That annoying fad that culminated after High School Musical taught teens everywhere that everyday can be a musical.  Goddammit.  What could possibly be better than hearing your favorite songs?  How about pre-pubescent kids singing them in medleys while going through the mundane melodrama of their high school careers?  Yes.  Why not pay money for it?  Let’s watch this for a whole fucking hour so they get enough songs in to regale us forever.  Kill me now. That damn show makes me long for the days of movies without sound.  

Do you remember when talent shows were worth it?  When things like Star Search brightened our days and showed us that there were individuals out there willing to showcase themselves in front of thousands of people—and instead of sucking, they actually rocked the house?  The Voice is currently attempting that process.  They pre-screen their contestants so they know that they won’t embarrass themselves.  They won‘t let the American public become drooling ass-hats that laugh over indulging people they view as less than themselves.  That I can respect.  And some of the singers are even adults!


For the American public it’s not enough to watch the shitty lives of teenagers.  There are plenty of shows out there that exploit the lives of the everyday grown-up idiots well.  Shows like Duck Dynasty, American Pickers, and all the other stupid ass shows that deal with absurd jobs that rednecks do.  Sure they get paid to do all that, but at the end of the day they are still just backwoods hicks getting laughed at by everyone else in America—even the other backwoods hicks.  It’s bad enough that we have bad fiction on TV trying to entertain us, but when we stoop so low as to bring out our cultural worst and exploit them for laughs—now we've crossed a line.  I can’t even really be mad about it; I’m genuinely just upset that we think that’s acceptable.  Shit like that is teaching our children that cultural incompetence and underdeveloped adults are okay to laugh at in society.  And that’s why we keep churning them out too.  

And you know, if it’s not the culturally inept getting laughed at, then it’s real people being assholes in a house full of assholes in order to make money.  Big Brother and Survivor, I’m looking at you.  Let’s put a bunch of people in a house and have them fight it out for a few thousand dollars.  No!  An Island!  Yeah, put them on an island!  That’s too boring…MAKE THEM COMPETE!  Hell, make them survive on their own as teams and the one who dicks over everyone they've met gets to keep the money!  What fun!  It’s the modern day gladiator arena pussied down to the great American sport of dickery.  And when you get tired of them screwing each other over, you can always hope for a night scene where two of them screw for real at terrible angles and for only a minute tops.  Man, what am I waiting for?  Take my money! 

That's what TV has become.

Bullshit shows like Jersey Shore get 9 whole seasons while quality television gets cancelled for too few viewers.  Firefly.  Joss Whedon’s masterpiece gets tossed away only to survive on cult following that generates more money and buzz than any other property.  It has more depth and quality writing/acting than many shows in the history of television.  It has won an astounding amount of applause and global praise.  But it gets only one season.  Jersey Shore gets 9.  A pack of horny failed adults living in a house doing nothing but partying and ruining their lives.  The only value ever attained from such a show is a blatant “what not to do” advertisement.  Shows like Fringe make us think about the world around us and what’s possible.  Shows like Justified entertain while showcasing strong moral dilemmas and passionate character developments over poignant and real issues.  Everything else is dribble.

What happened to our standards?  What happened to the quality of storytelling?  It’s sad that this is the shit that makes money, too.  That’s what you assholes out there are watching.  People with real degrees in writing and strong passions for creativity can’t make a living in entertainment anymore because you think it’s funny when some old redneck yells at his family over stupid shit for an hour.

You should want to watch something better.  Something more enlightening.  Something with better acting and better talent poured into it so that when you watch it, your brain expands to new thoughts; new ideas; new perspectives.  TV should show you things you couldn't see or imagine before, not the crap you know the idiots in the swamps and frat houses of New Jersey are doing.  TV used to be something important.  It used to tell us stories with visuals that inspired us.  It used to inform us of the world around without dousing us in trends and bullshit experiences.  And it only exists this way because we, the public, keep paying them with our viewing time.

So to all of you out there that think any of that literal shit is great and totally worth your time and money, I leave you with one single message

Want better; Watch better; Be better.   For all of us.

NEXT:  Nicole Angeleen takes aim!  In a more specific look at TV, Nicole brings us the death of the sitcom!