I’ll have what she’s having…. And she’s having and she’s having…..

by Nate Bowden 

@ActionNate

Ah, the cliché. Is there a more potent obstacle for the screenwriter, the novelist, the ranter? It takes so many forms: cliché dialogue, cliché characters, cliché imagery, and just plain cliché storylines. Fuck if there isn’t another nerd out there right now planning a rant on how cliché my opening is.

We’re all writers here, we’ve all heard that there are only 7 stories and nothing’s original anymore, I buy into that. So now I’m gonna use a smart person word fer cliché… archetype.

A cliché is almost subjective. A matter of overuse or misuse of any given archetype but these are the tools we use as writers to craft our stories. When the pieces of the puzzle come together it’s called “a beautiful presentation of the hero’s classic journey," and when it doesn’t it’s called Van Helsing.

"What? Y- you didn't like it?"

Luke Skywalker is Clark Kent without the secret identity, and Comdr. Data is just Pinocchio. James Bond gets to create all his own clichés and act them out repeatedly. And Peter Parker’s just an everyman. Seriously, “everyman?” An archetype so cliché literally every man can fill it.

Our Herculean task then is to disguise these clichés with a great story, sure, but how about some fancy scenery? Scoring the big touchdown in the closing seconds against insurmountable odds (or coming up short if your story’s a coming-of-age piece), totally cliché. But what if the game is played in the air… and we call the football a bludger and everyone rides broomsticks? Bam! Hidden cliché, right? Well sure, but camouflage is tricky because blue furry people in space couldn’t distract me from the fact that Kevin Costner danced with wolves before Sam Worthington plugged his ponytail into a dinosaur.

"Fuck you! We did this shit in space!"      "Wait, what is that over there? Oh, sorry, it's just my seven Academy Awards."

Clichéd scenarios are largely built around where they occur. Two men, spies even, nonchalantly exchanging identical bags at the train station? Stop me if you’ve heard this one… but nonchalantly exchanging identical bags in the oval office? Sweet holy fuck, what is in that briefcase?

“Yeah _____ was great, but I liked it better when it was called ______.” Well, smart-ass, clichés have to work in order to become clichés in the first place. That’s true with character and dialogue.

How many times has Schwarzenegger played  John Matrix (Commando), and how many Die Hard movies have there really been? Rocky is just John Rambo in boxing gloves, but Balboa is compelling because Rocky is inspirational, while Rocky 4 is cliché, and then by Rocky 6…. inspirational again. Huh, how do you like that?

I’m sure the first guy to scream “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” at the death of a loved one was breakin’ some new ground, but really? Even Darth Vader now? That straight badass doesn’t scream about anything. Fuck prequels.

Rob Reiner’s mother stole an entire movie with “I’ll have what she’s having…” The joke’s cliché now, but it wasn’t When Harry Met Sally.

So you know when something is really good because it becomes a cliché. Col. Nathan R. Jessup screamed “You can’t handle the truth!” and brought life to the climax of my favorite movie. And the fact that you’ve heard it elsewhere since then, in regular conversation no less, proves Sorkin got something right. Great things make it into vernacular and then get spit back out as clichés.

“I’m getting too old for this shit…” NO! Fuck you! Only Danny Glover is too old for shit! Damn it!

Now M. Glenn Gore on “longevity.” What makes that show we watched as kids a steaming dung pile now? … unless it isn’t!