Invulnerability, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

by M. Glenn Gore

Let me begin by defining the word just so we're all on the same page:

Invulnerable (in-VUHL-ner-uh-bul) adj. 1) Incapable of being wounded, hurt, or damaged. 2) Proof against or immune to attack. 3) What fruitcake is. Don't lie to yourself. Have you EVER finished one off? Has ANYBODY?

Yeah, it's an absolute crock, invulnerability. Why not just give the guy the ability to travel through time, see the future, and control peoples' minds while you're at it, since you're so obviously not a fan of challenges or drama. Invulnerability is at the top of my list of just plain lazy-ass superpowers. It's why I've never liked Wolverine. YOU CAN'T F***ING KILL HIM! Even Sabretooth, who SHOULD be able to f***ing kill him... CAN'T f***ing kill him! Granted, Wolverine isn't technically invulnerable, but it boils down to the same thing. Whatever you do to him just rolls off his back, so why bother. Just hand him a brew and let him go.

Yeah, I think he comes back from that...

Now, in terms of Superman, Rogue, Wonder Woman, and Charlie Sheen's career, the term invulnerable is simply being misused. Superman ISN'T invulnerable. And neither is Wonder Woman. I've seen Mongul beat the bejeezus out of Wonder Woman, to the point where she had actual broken bones. And Superman, as I'm certain you'll begrudgingly recall, was stomped to death by a talking piece of asphalt (see: Doomsday). These instances qualify as being wounded, hurt, or damaged, methinks.

Heh, Nuts to the limits...

The problem is, no one can agree on what Superman's limit is. It varies, regrettably, depending on whomever happens to be writing Action Comics that month. I'd be far less irritated if DC could just sit down and figure out a base read for the guy's power level, and not do this Goku bologna where he just gets to be as powerful as the story requires him to be in order to win. That's lazy, the mark of hackery. So, invulnerability - TRUE invulnerability - is a power NO superhero should have. A super VILLAIN who's invulnerable, however? NOW you've got my attention.

Next up, Nate Bowden's gonna talk to you about Time Travel.